Talking to myself, again.

I don't know. I'm trying to talk myself out of it. Out of running away into the great unknown.

Stay here and make some money here. Get stable here. Stay close to family and friends here. Plan here. Live here. You can do it, Kyle.

But the thing is, I don't believe it.

Why? Why can't you just go get a job at a factory here in town or in Paris, get some steady money coming in and then decide where to go from there?

Because I am afraid of getting complacent. I've already become complacent. I don't HAVE to get a job and work here. I could keep slinging weed and keep a few bucks to my name here, and that would be enough to keep me from going out and working, because it's easy. It isn't taxing, or exacting...it's just filler, fluff, something to keep passing the time. I don't want to just pass the time. I want to live it.

Then do it, it's a conscious decision.

And I can't make the conscious decision here. It's like there is a cloud, a fog, something masking my ability to see beyond the mundanity of it all.

You have made the conscious decision to leave here, why can't you make a conscious decision to stay to do what you need to do to make a life and just seize it. Life is life and there are going to be people of all kinds where ever you go. Some will be your friends, others couldn't care less about you. Doesn't matter if it is Marshall, IL or New Orleans, Louisiana or Kentucky or Florida or Washington or Toronto or where ever the hell you think you are going.

"You never know where love will grow..."

It's not growing here...

No, no it is not.

"Please let me stay, here the words that I say. Now you know, it's not that far away. I hope your dreams come true, oh yes I do. Deep down in my soul."

What is that you keep quoting?

It's the song I'm listening to, it's called "Dreams Come True" by Spatial Unity.

Spatial Unity. That seems somehow significant. 

You think?

"I hope your dreams come true, oh yes I do. Oh yes I do. I hope your dreams come true. Oh yes I do. Oh yes I do. I hope your dreams come true. Oh yes I do. Oh yes I do. I hope your dreams come true. Deep down in your soul. Deep down in your soul."

That's really nice.

And I want my dreams to come true.

I want them to come true too, man.

"Tomorrow's child is reconciled by the love that's in your heart. The gift of wings will always bring a never ending dream that floats away."

So we're going to be dream chasers?

I think that's been decided.

But what if you never catch it?

It doesn't matter.

What? Do you really believe that it doesn't matter?

Yeah. I mean, every day offers a new chance and a new opportunity to chase the dream.
It really isn't about ever grabbing hold of it. For a time I might live in it. But I'll invariably
lose it again. And then what?

So you are denying a state of permanent stability because...?

Because I get bored with things. I live and love a certain way. I've always been running away. I haven't found something to run towards yet. For now, I just want to run. Away and to and neither one. Is that so incomprehensible? To run for the sake of running?

It isn't incomprehensible. It just seems foolish.

Well, I'm a Fool.

I'm not a fool.

I know you aren't. You are a Hierophant barred by two swords. It doesn't work for you.

What is all of this nonsense you are linking to, these tarot cards?

They do a pretty good job describing us. Yeah, I am a fool. But you. You don't even know what or who you are or want to be. I do know. I know the high priestess has gone away and imparted in me much of her wisdom. I think I see a star and it's time to follow it.  Listen, until you drop your pair of swords, get the devil off your back, pick up three or eight pentacles, stop drinking from five cups and cut it to three...until you do at least that much, I really don't care to hear from you. I'm running from you too.

We can work together.

No, we really can't. Not here and now. Someday, if you return with more resolve to be who you are and not just a broken version of what others want you to be, we can't work together. If you feel like you have something to say I'll listen. Just...we have things to figure out, and I don't think our ideas meld well at this place and time. I'm sorry. That's all I have to say for now.